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     The assassination of Charlie Kirk wasn’t just a political shock — it was a cultural and spiritual mirror. What stands out isn’t just the act of momentary violence, but also the venom that followed. At Clemson University for example, a student was caught on video dancing and mocking Charlie’s death, saying Kirk “deserved to die” (Fox News 2025a). In Idaho, a frozen yogurt shop that honored him with stickers received threats such as “you guys should be dead” (Fox News 2025b). Employees at different companies lost jobs or were placed on leave after mocking his assassination online (Fox Business 2025). Media personalities, university professors, nurses, doctors, students, and a myriad of others have been suspended or immediately fired for blaming the victim or celebrating the violence that took his life, while others have been called out for romanticizing or uplifting the killer’s motives. It seems they took their cue from the killer himself whose bullets reportedly carried taunts, etched with hateful inscriptions — a chilling signal of ideological contempt (Fox News 2025c). The hatefulness continues as of this writing.

     That type of horrid response to Kirk’s murderous death tells us something deeper about certain segments of society. Within those groups, ideological differences have led to anger which has turned into hatred, and it appears to be metastasizing like a quickly spreading cancer. Is that now part of our national fabric? I hope not; but I would suggest the biblical truth that once guided interaction in our country is being replaced by a mainstream social media culture that conditions people to speak with cowardly anonymity, and with little regard to its possible adverse effects. The more outrageous the words, the more satisfied the speaker seems to be. Hiding behind ‘free speech’ the vileness knows no bounds. Public discourse has devolved into attitudes of continuous mutual destruction whereby the opponents are vilified and portrayed as subhuman. For some, it’s easier to scream insults and obscenities than to listen and love. From the newsrooms to Facebook to local school board meetings, we see Satan at work in all of it – stirring up dissension everywhere he can. But the Bible is clear: “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses” (Proverbs 10:12, ESV).

     If you zoom in from the overall cultural climate to the neucler family, you’ll see the same Satan working to poison marriages in much the same way he does society – by dehumanizing people and corrupting how we communicate with each other, weather between groups or individuals. Researcher Dr. John Gottman refers to destructive communication styles as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which can predict the relational breakdown between partners. The styles are identified as criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. If you observe closely, you’ll witness them everywhere — in political rhetoric, in Twitter (X) threads, mainstream media, churches, local government, families, and in marriages headed toward collapse. The result of continued use of these communication styles is predictable: total distruction of the relationship, hense the word, ‘apocalypse.’ The hardened heart of hateful people wanting another person dead, or celebrating the death of a man, any man, and a married couple tearing each other apart with scorn and disrespect are not so different. Murderous intent notwithstanding, both are practicing high levels of contempt. Both are playing out the same destructive script, albeit in different ways. Both are in the palm of Satan.

Allow me to describe the horsemen.

Criticism: Attacking a person’s character or personhood rather than behavior. In society, this looks like labeling entire groups as “fascist” or “evil” (without actual evidence of evil doing), comparing them to Hitler or other such historical figure. In marriage, it sounds like, “You always…” or “You never…”  It is constant criticism, condemnation, blaming, gaslighting, unsubstantiated accusations, etc.

Defensiveness: Shifting blame and refusing responsibility, or claiming falsely ‘it’s not fault, you are the [only] problem.’ Excuse making, turning the table, gaslighting, attacking the messenger instead of listenting to the message. Politically, it’s divisive rhetoric, perposely lying about people or situations for personal or professional gain, withholding the truth from others, etc. No matter what the reason, defensiveness is based on self-preservation with little regard for others. It demonstrates a lack of integrity. 

Contempt: The most poisonous of all — mocking, sneering, belittling, dismissing, hidden disgust. Publicly, it is seen in celebrating a man’s death. In marriage, it’s an eye roll, sarcasm, insults, humiliation, verbal and or physical abuse; and list goes on.

Stonewalling: Withdrawing, tuning out, shutting down. In society, it’s unfriending, blocking, refusing dialogue. In marriage, it’s the silent treatment, no meals together, no affection, no sex, no interaction at all except for possible logistical consultations about the kids. It can include using the kids as pawns to relay messages between parents to avoid direct contract with the other spouse.

     The Four Horseman are Satan’s tools in marriage and society. Thankfully, there is an antidote. Gottman’s decades of research show that couples who replace criticism with gentle honesty, defensiveness with humble responsibility, contempt with appreciation, and stonewalling with communication have a better than reasonable chance of marital success and happiness (Gottman and Silver 2015). Scripture commands: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19, ESV); “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32, ESV).

     Imagine the changes in our families and eventually society if we applied those antidotes in our marriages. Instead of criticism we asked clarifying questions; instead of sidestepping responsibility we faced our shortcomings; instead of contempt and rage we displayed patient understanding; instead of building walls between us we found ways to connect.

     The biblical wisdom echoes Gottman’s findings. James 1:19 reminds us: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling all violate this command. We need to replace incessant talking with listening, hostility for calmness, satanic hate with Christlike love.

     The Bible is straightforward: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, ESV). In marriage, if we treat our spouse as if they are the enemy, the marriage will implode. But marriages can be saved. Nations too. The choice is ours — rage or repair, love or hatred. Wherever the marriages go in a culture, the families will follow. Where the families end up, so too the nation. Satan will not give up. Nor should we.

If you find yourself in a hateful and distressing relationship, please call us. Homestead Hope Counseling exists to provide help for today so you can have hope for tomorrow.

References

Fox Business. 2025. “Workers Who Mocked Charlie Kirk’s Death Fired, Placed on Leave.” Fox Business, September 2025. Retrieved September 16, 2025 (https://www.foxbusiness.com/lifestyle/workers-who-mocked-charlie-kirk-death-fired-placed-leave).

Fox News. 2025a. “Watch: Clemson Student Caught on Video Appearing to Mock Charlie Kirk after Assassination.” Fox News, September 2025. Retrieved September 16, 2025 (https://www.foxnews.com/us/watch-clemson-student-caught-video-appearing-mock-charlie-kirk-after-assassination).

Fox News. 2025b. “Frozen Yogurt Joint Receiving Hate, Death Threats Following Charlie Kirk Tribute.” Fox News, September 2025. Retrieved September 16, 2025 (https://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/frozen-yogurt-joint-receiving-hate-death-threats-following-charlie-kirk-tribute).

Fox News. 2025c. “Charlie Kirk Alleged Assassin ‘Taken Over’ by Leftist Ideology while FBI Probes Wider Plot: Bongino.” Fox News, September 2025. Retrieved September 16, 2025 (https://www.foxnews.com/us/charlie-kirk-alleged-assassin-taken-over-leftist-ideology-while-fbi-probes-wider-plot-bongino).

Gottman, John, and Nan Silver. 2015. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. 2nd ed. New York: Harmony Books.

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV). 2001. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.\

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