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The purpose of this article is to help people recognize how the fear of God can free them from the destructive fears that devastate relationships, particularly marital, and strengthen the couple’s commitment based on reverence and love for God.

We begin by admitting that we live in a world spinning with fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of lacking money or resources, fear of death, fear of the future. These destructive fears dominate our thinking, shape our decisions, and often paralyze us. But the Bible speaks of a different kind of fear—one that does not enslave us but instead sets us free. This is the fear of the Lord.

Introduction. In his book The Awe of God, John Bevere explains that the holy fear of God is not merely a biblical truth to understand, but a transformative power to fully embrace. It is not just another fear among many—it is the fear that swallows all others. It is, as we will see, ‘a whale among fish.’ To stand in awe of God is to be completely stunned and overwhelmed by His greatness, majesty, purity, grace, glory, and in short, His very essence. The fear of God is the soul’s response to the infinite holiness and power of the Creator.

The word “fear” does not mean passive admiration - it is active reverence. It is standing before God with a deeply bowed heart, recognizing that He is infinitely above us in every way, and yet He draws near to us in love, mercy, and forgiveness. To fear God is to lose all sense of self-importance and to view life, sin, and eternity, not from our perspective, but from His.

The Nature of Destructive Fear. There are two basic types of fear: destructive and constructive. Destructive fear is the kind that fragments the soul. It paralyzes, torments, scatters, and destroys our confidence. These fears appear in many forms: fear of what others think, fear of illness, fear of inadequacy, fear of a failing marriage - personal insecurities.

John Bevere describes them as anxious obsessions that cause us to withdraw from life, avoid reasonable risks, and even stop trusting in God. In marriage, destructive fear may appear as the fear of vulnerability, i.e., the dread of being truly known - as really we are, followed by possible rejection. It might be the fear of repeating our parents' mistakes or losing your spouse’s love and respect. These fears lead to emotional distance, defensiveness, and attempted control, instead of intimacy, trust, and grace.

Individual fears are troubling enough on their own. But collectively, they are like a school of fish - hundreds of them swimming in different directions, creating chaos in the waters of our mind. Though individually small, together they cloud our vision and rob us of joy and peace. They multiply quickly, feeding on uncertainty and doubt, generating even more insecurity. They are the piranhas of the soul.

Yet Scripture tells us repeatedly: “Do not be afraid.” In fact, there are approximately 365 “fear nots” in the Bible, one for each day of the year. These commands are not based on denial of danger, but on the presence of a greater fear: the fear of the Lord.

The Power of Constructive Fear. Not all fear is bad or destructive. Constructive fear serves a purpose. It protects; teaches. It sharpens our judgment. Bevere uses vivid examples: the fear of falling keeps us away from ledges or cliffs; the fear of being burned teaches us to handle fire and heat sources with caution. Ignoring these fears would simply be foolish. My wife and I ride motorcycles. A healthy fear of careless drivers and pavement is a good thing! It keeps us vigilant. These fears are not curses, but gifts designed to keep us safe and alive. However, even these fears, if left unchecked, can morph into destructive fears. Healthy caution can become debilitating anxiety.

In marriage, constructive fear takes the form of a holy reverence for the covenant made to a spouse before God and man. It’s the fear of hurting the one you love most in the world. It’s the fear of drifting apart through neglect, motivating couples to pursue one another with care and intentionality. These habits need to be intentional since lasting relationships require hard work; they don’t ‘just happen.’ A constructive fear is the concern of misrepresenting God’s love, which stirs accountability, repentance, and growth. That’s why Bevere doesn’t ask, “How do we eliminate fear?” but rather, “What do you fear most?”

What do YOU fear most? Let that question reverberate in your heart for a moment. The answer will determine which fears dominate your life.

The Whale of Holy Fear. This brings us to the heart of the message: the holy fear of God is the great, awe-inspiring ‘whale’ that swallows up all lesser fears. While the Bible says “do not fear” hundreds of times, it also commands us to “fear the Lord” more than 200 times. God commands both, repeatedly. So, what do we do? Are these commands contradictions? No, they’re not.

This divine repetition shows us that fearing God is neither optional nor peripheral - it is central to wisdom, holiness, and spiritual strength. Imagine your soul as a vast ocean. In it, hundreds of  fish swim about. Some are huge; others are small and jittery darting every which way. In this analogy the fish represent your fears! Dozens of them - big and small. Every one of them cause trouble in your life to one extend or another. Then the great whale appears. The whale is the fear of God – in all His character. As the whale glides into view, it opens its immense mouth and swallows up all the other fish - just as God can swallow up every one of your fears in a single, ongoing motion.

The fear of God is not terror. It is a form of worship. It is the reverence that causes a believer to bow in surrender to God and rise in strength and confidence. It’s what Proverbs refers to in Chapter 9.10, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” Holy fear aligns our hearts with God’s wisdom and character. Scripture even describes it as a treasure to be sought: “The fear of the Lord is his treasure” (Isaiah 33:6). It is not a burden or a threat, but a divine gift—something precious, worth pursuing, and vital to spiritual life and growth. Godly wisdom and character is an outcome of holy fear. And holy fear is an outcome of godly wisdom and personal character.

To fear God rightly requires one to love what God loves and to hate what He hates - namely sin. To hate sin is to maintain a deep conviction that rejects anything in our lives that separates us from God and corrupts what is good. In this way, holy fear of God becomes an inner compass that draws us toward righteousness and away from evil. It gives us eternal perspective. It grounds us in biblical truth. We learn who God is and how to apply the concepts of holy fear. As this sanctification process continues, we increasingly choose to trust God in all things. We become quietly confident in God’s willingness and ability to address our every need. This quiet confidence that God ‘has our back no matter the situation’ is known as joy, which has little to do with happiness. Our destructive fears tend to evaporate as they are replaced with holy fear. As Bevere writes, the fear of God “swallows up all destructive fears.” It doesn’t just push them aside - it renders them powerless over us.

Living in Awe of God. Briefly, holy fear changes how we think and live. Here are just a few examples.

·       It shapes our moral choices. “By the fear of the Lord a man avoids evil” (Proverbs 16:6).

·       It brings humility. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God” (1 Peter 5:6).

·       It transforms worship. “Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling” (Psalm 2:11).

·       It fosters confidence. “He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress” (Proverbs 14:26).

Holy fear is the opposite of bondage. It is the freedom from being controlled by man, or man-made terrors. It is clarity in a chaotic world. It is peace in the middle of life’s uncertainties. As Charles Spurgeon wisely said, “He who fears God has nothing else to fear.”

Which of these fears are reflected in your life?

Conclusion. Again, what do you fear most? Let your response to that question guide you. When we live in awe of God, we stop cowering to lesser things. The fear of the Lord is not something to avoid; it is something to embrace. For in fearing Him, we find freedom from all other fears. Let the whale pass through your soul. Let the awe of God swallow up every lesser fear. Then walk in wisdom, peace, joy and reverence - knowing that the One you fear is also the One who loves you perfectly.

If you have never submitted your life to God - if you have never known the peace that comes from living life in holy fear - today is the day to respond. The One who commands holy fear is the same One who sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to rescue you from sin and lead you into eternal life. To fear God rightly is to run to Him, not away from Him. Through Jesus, you can receive forgiveness, freedom, and the new life your soul longs for. So come to Him - believe, repent, and receive the gift of salvation. Let today be the day you begin walking in holy awe and holy fear.

If you already know Christ but have drifted away - if fear, sin, or anything else have created distance between you and God, please know that He is calling you back. The One who loves you perfectly has never stopped pursuing you. Return to Him. Rediscover the awe that once stirred your heart. His mercy is greater than your wandering, His forgiveness is greater than your past.

Couples’ Reflection Questions:

1.     What fear has most affected your relationship?

2.     How can the fear of God transform you?

3.     How can the fear of God transform how you treat your spouse?

4.     What does it mean for you to live in awe of God in your daily married life?

5.     What practical steps can you take to draw closer to God and to each other?

 Example Prayer: “Lord God, we want Your holy fear to guide our marriage. Help us let go of destructive fears and trust in You. May your love, mercy, and grace shape our attitudes, our words, and our commitment. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Note: This material was adapted to serve as a spiritual support resource in marriage enrichment seminars led by Dan Graham, Homestead Hope Counseling. For additional information, read John Bevere’s book, The Awe of God.

Homestead Hope Counseling Services exists to offer you help today so you can experience hope for tomorrow. Call us at 817.812.3021

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